This has been particularly tough on the ego, as I was chubby in college and worked very hard to lose weight properly. I distinctly remember feeling all smug in my size 4s and thinking that I would never let myself get fat again. Oops. 

(To be honest, I never fully reached my goal weight-wise or health-wise, which is partly attributable to me being so very hard on myself and partly because I never kept the morale and focus up long enough to go all the way. But that's another story.) 

In retrospect, it IS kind of interesting that my weight gain and general fitness slide started right around the time that I gave up the antidepressants and decided that I wasn't going to be depressed anymore – aka my first semester of law school. Probably not the wisest decision of my life, but hey! live and learn. 

Anyway, there seems to be a serendipitous confluence thing happening. I finally forced myself to get on a scale a week ago, which I've been avoiding for quite some time. I had already looked into joining a hardcore marathon training class that begins this week and had considered hiring a personal trainer (or rather, started exploring whether or not I could afford a personal trainer). Then on New Year's Day, I sat and watched an entire season of The Biggest Loser in marathon form. Admittedly, not the best form of cardio as it involved me sitting asswise for many many hours, but it may have provided the hope and inspiration and, well, jump-start that I needed. On the one hand, it is unlikely at best that I will be able to commit four hours per day to physical conditioning/training as the contestants did. Then again, fat as I've gotten, I don't need to lose 50 percent of my body weight.

I found many of the contestants really inspirational, but one in particular got to me. She was one of the play-at-home folks, so she wasn't on the ranch with a chef and a trainer and the competition. She's my height exactly and more or less my build, I assume she's around my age (and she's from Jersey! w00t Garden State!). She was a whole hell of a lot heavier than me to start out with, but she ended up losing 117 pounds. For some reason, it finally stuck – if I have managed to do all of the crazy shit I've accomplished and if normal people are able to lose more than half their body weight through sensible diet and exercise . . . well what the fuck am I waiting for?

So game on.